I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
