Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
