its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
