Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
