If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
