I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
