Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
