we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
