He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
