While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
