Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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