He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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