Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my shit smells like andre
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
