hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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