I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
