My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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