Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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