maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
