I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
