Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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