Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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