theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
