I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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