Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
