brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
