somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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