Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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