Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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