i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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