It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
