my soul wont recognize me after tonight
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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