I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
