before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize