i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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