I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
