She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
