Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
