So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
