WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
