You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
