so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
