Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
