he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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