Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
