Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
