So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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