Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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