You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
