i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
