Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
