We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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