No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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