im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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