I didn't shave. On purpose
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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