I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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