If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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