You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
