I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
