Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
