she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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