Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
