I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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