I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize