Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
