he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
