I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize