I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
