God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize