Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
